I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
