What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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