@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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