Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
