Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
