Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
