my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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