You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
