It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
