I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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