the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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