I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize