I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
