I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
