Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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