I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
