Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
