Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
