Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
