We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
