Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
