enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
