But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
