I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Randomize
