Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Everything about him screamed your future.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
