When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
