what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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