New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
