Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
