After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
