I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize