Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
