it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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