Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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