he told me I talked like a deaf person
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
