I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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