Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
