I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
