dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
how does that bad decision feel?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
