Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Someone signed my nipple.
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