I wannas sexs uuuuu
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
