I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
