Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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