Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
