There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
