im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
