Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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