i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
