beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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