its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
