i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize