I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
