I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
