come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
