I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
