How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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