FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
