I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
