I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
