it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i drank out of a bidet.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
