Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
