I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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