Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
