Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
