Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
