mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
