when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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