Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
