he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
