seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize