Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
