WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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