i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
