For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
