Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
