i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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