You made me cry and you don't even care
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
