I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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