i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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